I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
