do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
