i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
