I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
