i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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