Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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