there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
