I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We need a shit load of segways right now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
