Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
