Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
