we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
