there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
