I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
