i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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