I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
