If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
