How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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