And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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