You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
