I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
