babies were throwing up all over the place
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
