Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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