i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
