I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
