Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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