please come you make the beer taste better
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
