do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
