you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
