...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize