I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
