apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
