he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
