At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
