come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
