i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
