You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
