why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
