he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
