I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My ATM looks so different sober.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
