with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
