I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
