and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
