South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
