shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize