Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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