Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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