I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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