I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
meet me or not, i'm out of control
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
