The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
