we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
