I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
