I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
