It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
