Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
