I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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