That's intense
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
