I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
