i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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