We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
