I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
