This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
