I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
