he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
