i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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