why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
