ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
