drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
