he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
