How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
