yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
