so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
