When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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