oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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